Funeral Buffet – Steve Campbell

“It’s important for any business to know when to adapt, and that’s what we did. We saw an opening and we took it. Grabbed it with both hands. We had to. People are living so much longer than they used to and our work started to dry up. Everyone is much more health conscious nowadays. No smoking, no drinking. Low-fat this, low-fat that, sugar-free, salt-free, caffeine-free. Enjoyment free more like. And where did that leave us then, eh? Less funerals is less income. We couldn’t just increase our rates to make up for the shortfall. It’s a competitive market. We had to do something to shore up our business. We had to diversify. Obviously, we handle everything with the utmost respect. We even have a tasteful range of black paper cups and plastic cutlery – it’s those little touches that people remember. And by including catering with our usual services, we actual save the deceased’s family a reasonable amount of money. And I won’t lie, we’re doing okay out of it. Racking it in in fact. Our turnover for the last six months has almost tripled compared to the same period last year. And while the family are wishing that great Uncle Bernie was still with them. Well, he actually is – for anyone who’s had the pork rolls. They’ll be closer to Old Bern’ than they’ve ever been before. For the next 24 – 72 hours at least.”

 

Contents Drawer Link

Steve Campbell has short fiction published in places such as Sick Lit Magazine, formercactus, Twisted Sister Lit Mag, Spelk and MoonPark Review, and on his website standondog.com

 

Image: 90051 via pixabay
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