First World Problems – Dan Brotzel

And then Middle One came in and said she was feeling sick and you woke me up and asked me to move the bin nearer her as she was going to puke again and I was grumpy and you said you couldn’t move because she was tucked under your arm and then Charlie came in and started pumping everyone’s stomachs with his paws like he knew what was going on and was trying to help and then Middle One was sick and I took the bin to the bathroom and tried to slosh it all down the shower but it got stuck and I had to try and push it all down the plughole with my fingers and I complained about being woken up and you said if I didn’t want to be disturbed I could sleep in the middle of the bed and I said it was no use now I’d never get back to sleep and I made a big martyr thing of going down at dawn and we both knew that even though you’d got the bed you’d be the one that would have to actually look after her while I just sat with my cuppa flicking through Twitter and I knew when you woke up we’d have the usual passive-aggressive tussle about who would have to stay at home with her and about work-life balance and who has the harder time juggling stuff even though we both know that my work really don’t mind me working from home and you had that training thing for your new job so really there was no argument and I said that I’d had to fish out a load of tissue from the shower and you said are you sure the tissue wasn’t in the bin already and that it wasn’t you that actually tipped it in there in the first place and I was about to snap back at you but then I realised that this was actually a much more likely explanation especially as it was dark and I didn’t have my glasses on and then Younger One came down and pretended to be sick so he could have a day off too and I remembered how I had a long chat with him about Oldest One’s molar coming in and he kept looking at my neck and asked when did they appear on the neck like mine and only then did I realise that he thought I was talking about moles and even Older One was in a goodish mood and then I realised again that I love you and we are happy and so many aren’t.


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Image: via Pixabay

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